Retreat Insider

If you talk with 10 people who have been on a retreat or became part of a spiritual or healing group of some kind, each would give you different reasons why they chose the teacher, the place and the teaching, but all will share that they had a desire or a need to make a life change or to take a respite from their day to day.

Time to retreat ? Is a Guru for you??

Before you take a leap and register for a retreat program or join a “healing” group to challenge your beliefs or discard old habits, get info and be discerning. Particularly, if you are in pain, feeling vulnerable after a loss, or feeling desperately lonely and in need of companionship and solace. There are plenty of folks who earn big money leading groups, retreats and workshops that may not be qualified and can do you more harm than good if they are inexperienced or you are not well-matched with their therapy methods. Take time to interview any teacher or group leader. Get references, if you can. Choose someone who is:

• part of a reputable organization
• teaching a practice that has a solid history
• is willing to provide you with a schedule in advance of retreat events
• is willing to share their thoughts about spiritual or inner work
• is affiliated with a teacher who is their mentor or guide
• states clearly their fees or makes available their rate for services schedule

Even knowing the soundness of my own advice, a few years ago I fell into a trap. I was blindsided by the fact that this teacher was someone I had “known” for over 9 years, who was on a spiritual path and practiced shamanic healing, and was married to my best friend.

Not long after I committed to join the group and work with this person, my gut began to churn. THAT, was my first clue and I ignored it. He was a self-appointed guru, the rules of engagement were mercurial and his rates were steep. He routinely showed up for scheduled individual work an hour or two late believing, “you are always in session”, an invasive tactic that implied he “knew” all, and expected to be paid for his time. I wanted to stay in relationship with my friend and be part of the “sanga”. Because I had a habit of second guessing my instincts, and this guru “knew” that about me, I was vulnerable, wasting time and money before I said “NO MORE!” and withdrew from the relationship.

If something doesn’t FEEL RIGHT, pay attention! In retrospect, because I had experience in and around retreats, teachers, different exploratory and healing modalities and people doing inner work, I thought I could manage the situation, but was quickly over my head. Later, I found the gift: I recognized that it was my decision to say NO and leave the group, the guru and the girlfriend, that benefited me the most! I took a stand and saw that it would have fostered my shortcomings to deny my feelings, thinking the problem was with me and believing that I would get better if I just capitulated to the “teacher”. In the end, I discovered the pearl that was within me!

A true teacher is now easy to identify and I have recently had a wonderful experience here in Vermont. My teacher came highly recommended by a trusted friend and healer. I discovered her credibility as a teacher and her reputation through highly regarded affiliations in the Buddhist community when I “Googled” her. Then, we talked on the phone and our connection was authentic, with no salesmanship on her part. I, the student, was truly ready and the right teacher arrived!